🌙 Moon dust in your lungs
🌟 Stars in your eyes
✨ You are a child of the cosmos
⛅ A ruler of the skies
🌟 Stars in your eyes
✨ You are a child of the cosmos
⛅ A ruler of the skies
When I was first diagnosed with cancer back in December 2016 it was a strange experience. Within a matter of hours of the doctor's phone call telling me that a blood test had confirmed testicular cancer I was admitted to Charring Cross and being prepped for chemo. But even though the news was sudden it had a very weird sense of familiarity to it. As the scans added detail to the medical picture I was very quickly reminded of this painting that came out of one of my PhD low points, partly as a byproduct of desperately avoiding the writing up process. Although I had nothing in mind about cancer at the time, for me this painting has now become a promise from God of His work to transform me spiritually through my whole cancer journey.
The symbolism of the painting is fairly straight forward, the background being split into the four elements and the foreground depicting an internal struggle of different natures. It's a bit of a reversal of the idea of human nature being at the intersection point between the falling angel and the rising ape (DEATH quote in the Hogfather, see last blog), instead it depicts the breaking out of a seed of divine new creation from the flesh of a decaying solely instinctual beast. Have a look at my Vlog post for an overview of the genesis of the painting.
The painting is split into four quadrants depicting earth, air, fire and water. A pillar of cloud and fire separates the right side (indicating transformation through baptisms in fire and water) from the left side (showing the World under the realm of the "prince of the power of the air").
1 John 2:15-17 (NIV)
On Not Loving the World
15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[a] is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.
It should be obvious that not loving everything in the world is strongly contrasted by loving everyone. As John wrote in his gospel "for God so loved the world (people) that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". In fact one way to characterize the struggle of the flesh with the spirit is this difference between loving things and loving people. This struggle is illustrated by the division in the picture between Bios on the left and Zoe on the right: perishing life vs eternal life, flesh vs spirit, 'love' of objects vs love of persons, self destruction vs laying down of the self.
The three "fruits" on the left depict the three lusts in the verse above and also reference the fruit of the knowledge of Good & Evil in the garden of Eden that was "good for food, pleasing to the eye and desirable to make one wise". In the Synoptic Gospels the temptations that controlled Adam and broke his communion with God are overcome by Jesus.
Firstly the apricot in the middle left of the picture was chosen because it is thought to be the fruit the ancient Hebrews may have imagined when they heard the description in Genesis 2, its flesh is certainly 'good for food' and it is also symbolic of God's provision. When we look at the World it is not hard to see that corruption of the provision of the good earth can flow from this desire. Its unchecked craving leads to over consumption and withered generosity, to a throw away toxic culture that is corroding the planet and fueling the continuation of slavery. Where Adam was enslaved by his eating Jesus overcame through fasting, where the word of God cast Adam out of the provision of Eden it was the supernatural sustenance that fed Jesus in the desert. Through his compassion there is a multiplication of provision, fulfilling both physical and spiritual hunger. In the middle right of the picture the overflow of faith is shown as streams of living water flowing from the belly. More often than not I feel a long way from this goal but hope draws me on, hope that the compassion and generosity of God will some day fully replace my laziness and selfishness.
Secondly the apple at the bottom left symbolizes the lust of the eyes, covetousness that sucks the light of thankfulness from the window of the soul. It has been a symbol of sexual temptation in many cultures but it includes everything that appeals to the eye’s insatiable demands (Ecclesiastes 1:8). In Christian art it has often been used to depict the fruit of the knowledge of Good & Evil largely because the Latin for apple tree is Malus domestica but the word malus also means evil, calamity, harm, injury or unlawful. The tension diagonally across the picture from bottom left to top right shows the struggle that Jesus won:
The devil took Jesus and showed him all the splendor of the nations of the earth Luke 4, and he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours”. Here was the bride he desired above all others laid bare before his eyes, but she wasn't free. Controlled through fear the enslaved world was offered by its pimp for a price, but there would always have been strings attached. The rule of the "the ruler who exercises authority over the lower heavens" would have been permanently established, Christianity would have served that fear with a death to apostates clause and Jesus would have lead an earthly army rather than a heavenly one.
Jesus chose to worship nothing other than Love and Love could not take what was not free to give itself fully of its own will. He embraced death to set the beloved free, and beautified beyond death she returns to reign with him.
The three "fruits" on the left depict the three lusts in the verse above and also reference the fruit of the knowledge of Good & Evil in the garden of Eden that was "good for food, pleasing to the eye and desirable to make one wise". In the Synoptic Gospels the temptations that controlled Adam and broke his communion with God are overcome by Jesus.
Firstly the apricot in the middle left of the picture was chosen because it is thought to be the fruit the ancient Hebrews may have imagined when they heard the description in Genesis 2, its flesh is certainly 'good for food' and it is also symbolic of God's provision. When we look at the World it is not hard to see that corruption of the provision of the good earth can flow from this desire. Its unchecked craving leads to over consumption and withered generosity, to a throw away toxic culture that is corroding the planet and fueling the continuation of slavery. Where Adam was enslaved by his eating Jesus overcame through fasting, where the word of God cast Adam out of the provision of Eden it was the supernatural sustenance that fed Jesus in the desert. Through his compassion there is a multiplication of provision, fulfilling both physical and spiritual hunger. In the middle right of the picture the overflow of faith is shown as streams of living water flowing from the belly. More often than not I feel a long way from this goal but hope draws me on, hope that the compassion and generosity of God will some day fully replace my laziness and selfishness.
Secondly the apple at the bottom left symbolizes the lust of the eyes, covetousness that sucks the light of thankfulness from the window of the soul. It has been a symbol of sexual temptation in many cultures but it includes everything that appeals to the eye’s insatiable demands (Ecclesiastes 1:8). In Christian art it has often been used to depict the fruit of the knowledge of Good & Evil largely because the Latin for apple tree is Malus domestica but the word malus also means evil, calamity, harm, injury or unlawful. The tension diagonally across the picture from bottom left to top right shows the struggle that Jesus won:
The devil took Jesus and showed him all the splendor of the nations of the earth Luke 4, and he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours”. Here was the bride he desired above all others laid bare before his eyes, but she wasn't free. Controlled through fear the enslaved world was offered by its pimp for a price, but there would always have been strings attached. The rule of the "the ruler who exercises authority over the lower heavens" would have been permanently established, Christianity would have served that fear with a death to apostates clause and Jesus would have lead an earthly army rather than a heavenly one.
Jesus chose to worship nothing other than Love and Love could not take what was not free to give itself fully of its own will. He embraced death to set the beloved free, and beautified beyond death she returns to reign with him.
The last fruit of death is the counterfeit celestial body in the top left corner, Pride of life depicted as the belief that you could "grasp the moon". Again this temptation come in many forms- a spectrum from the lack of humility of a mind too closed to the gullibility of a mind too open, from the fear of what others think to the addiction to the glory of the limelight, from self doubt to overconfidence. For me the weak point for my flesh has been in communicating freely in a public setting. The last temptation Jesus faced was to doubt and hubris instead of humility and dignity- the devil's last attack questioned his identity and dared him to show off to the crowds to prove himself:
Luke 4:9-11 (NIV)9 The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. 10 For it is written:“‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’[a]”
Jesus' response seems to be a bit ambiguous to me:
...but maybe it was meant to have a double meaning. Jesus both affirmed his identity and stood in submission to the Father. It was both a command to the Adversary and choice Jesus made.
The symbolism of the painting also has layers that refer to our struggles with the out-workings of death in the physical body, and for me in this last year this struggle has been with stage 4 testicular cancer: "Metastatic choriocarcinoma with large cystic retroperitoneal mass, para-aortic lymphadenopathy and lung metastases. Probable right testicular primary." As I heard the diagnosis the image took on new meaning for me. The apple in the right hand, the apricot and split belly, the airless moon became the symbols of the physical manifestation of death (& treatment) at work in my testicle, abdomen and lungs.
Artistically there seems to be more of a connection between moon and lung than it just being a world without air, for example:
http://www.itmonline.org/5organs/lung.htm
Luke 4:12-13Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)12 Yeshua answered him, “It also says, ‘Do not put Adonai your God to the test.’”[a] 13 When the Adversary had ended all his testings, he let him alone until an opportune time.
...but maybe it was meant to have a double meaning. Jesus both affirmed his identity and stood in submission to the Father. It was both a command to the Adversary and choice Jesus made.
The symbolism of the painting also has layers that refer to our struggles with the out-workings of death in the physical body, and for me in this last year this struggle has been with stage 4 testicular cancer: "Metastatic choriocarcinoma with large cystic retroperitoneal mass, para-aortic lymphadenopathy and lung metastases. Probable right testicular primary." As I heard the diagnosis the image took on new meaning for me. The apple in the right hand, the apricot and split belly, the airless moon became the symbols of the physical manifestation of death (& treatment) at work in my testicle, abdomen and lungs.
Artistically there seems to be more of a connection between moon and lung than it just being a world without air, for example:
http://www.itmonline.org/5organs/lung.htm
“Po is an ancient astronomical term designating the material body of the moon, while its counterpart, hun, is used to specify the light of the moon. In nature, the term po is thus used to represent the visceral life force that lies latent in the earth, and in medicine it is used to describe both measurable physiological functions and development. The scholar Kong Yingda explains: "The spirit of form is called po. When human beings are first born, they can see and hear, their hands and feet can move; these actions are due to the workings of po." Zhang Jingyue, the master physician of the Ming Dynasty, further elaborated: "The effect of po is that we can move and do things, that there is itching and pain." In sum, po entails the basic instincts that we possess from birth, enabling us to see and hear and eat and cry, even with the early state of awareness and activity of a baby. Since breathing is the most fundamental of all instincts, the lung is the residence of the po spirits.”
Chemo was effective in clearing my lungs and it looked like surgery got the rest but after my operation I went through a period of frustration with my progress. I had an allergic reaction to painkillers where much of my body was covered in itchy hives (fortunately not as bad when I had Redman syndrome as my skin did not peel off). I had taken them with no problems while on chemotherapy but probably only because my immune response to them was suppressed. The fact that the "end point" I had fixed my hope on was very different from what I had imagined got behind my defenses and I got a bit disappointed. It helped when I realized that in the chronology of the painting the baptism in fire comes after the surgery and I was reminded that (of course!) the journey of transformation is not complete until we get to the new heaven & earth.
On 10th June I celebrated a 25 year Bible college reunion that I planned for the 6 month point after the start of my treatment and it turned out to be the first weekend I would have been well enough to enjoy it. And that was going to be the end point of this blog... but this week I had an appointment with my oncologist following a review of my case with the whole oncology team on Monday. The histology report on the surgically removed tumour found that most of it was necrotic but there was active cancer in one sample from the centre. I had previously been told that this was not a problem but Prof Seckl (world expert on this type of cancer) has now recommend a second course of chemo as the tumour was invading a blood vessel. There is a chance that some cancerous cells escaped into my blood during surgery but they have no way to know for sure. If it's there and it was left until it was detectable it would be very hard to treat as it is resistant to chemo I've had before. If it's not there obviously further chemo will just make me sick again for nothing. It was initially a bit annoying but I will go with the prof's recommendation. Maybe there will be many baptisms of fire to come but hopefully I will enter them better equipped to fix my view on the eternal rather than the temporary....
epiblogue...
I have chosen to re-frame the meaning of the painting as a divine encouragement to my mind (both conscious and subconscious) that the cancer was foreknown and it's defeat was to be a living picture for me of God's renewal and purposes for my life. However there are obviously many other ways to read it than the connection I'm making here to my cancer. I'm really interested in what you think, so if you've followed a link on Facebook add one of the reactions bellow, or if you have a completely different idea add the "laughing" reaction and a comment with your own interpretation.
"Natural" precognition? Do I just have an ability to see or sense the future?
Are the connections purely coincidental?
Is this the evil twin of the placebo effect at work here?
Am I crazy? & just seeing connections when there are really none there?
One last thought from me before you choose your reaction, is it likely that you can automatically tell what is true here based on what your gut feels? or will this need a bit more thought?
What do you think? Looking forward to reading your comments! 😉
Comments
Post a Comment